Success almost always requires putting yourself into new situations.

To further your career, you must take new jobs, join new organizations, transfer to new office locations, and meet and build relationships with new customers, suppliers, and industry peers.

Executives get a lot of advice about how to manage such scenarios: A new hire should negotiate his goals and responsibilities up front. A newly promoted leader must build credibility and influence with early wins. A relocated expatriate should study her new country and its culture. Novice conference attendees hoping to do some networking should arrive with a list of target contacts in mind.

All of those are good practices. But in 20-odd years of studying, teaching, and counseling executives and MBA students, I’ve found that the challenge many of us face in new situations is much more fundamental. Surprisingly large numbers of professionals do less than their best because they haven’t mastered three basic yet critical getting-to-know-you skills: introducing themselves, remembering people’s names, and asking questions.

Through interviews, surveys, and studies with hundreds of people, I’ve found that the anxiety most of us feel in new situations is rooted in these three activities. In the heat of the moment, we simply aren’t confident or comfortable enough to perform them well. We know we need to connect with coworkers at the office and strangers at industry events, but we hesitate to approach unfamiliar people – and instead hope others will come to us. We recognize that people are impressed if we remember their names – but still find 
ourselves forgetting, feeling awkward, and then avoiding conversation. We realize that others have information we need, but we’re reluctant to bother bosses or peers with questions about things they might expect us to know already. And it’s not just shy introverts who suffer; even extroverts tell me they’re frequently uncomfortable introducing themselves or asking questions, and more than 80% of people I’ve interviewed admit they’re bad at recalling names.

Some discomfort is only natural. For most of human history, caution in new situations and around unfamiliar people was an advantage. Throughout childhood, we’re told to avoid strangers and ask questions only after raising a hand. We’re given little formal guidance on how to approach contacts, make introductions, and remember names. And yet, by the time we’re adults, it’s assumed that we’re experts at these basic skills.

My research indicates that we’re not. Fortunately, however, it’s fairly easy to improve at them. Some of the following advice may seem familiar, but I’ve been told by executives at high levels – company presidents, entrepreneurs, and consulting partners – that they’ve benefited from it. If you’re proactive and take steps to train yourself in the techniques offered here, you can set yourself up for success.