My name is Rob Trymbulak. I’ve been an ironworker in Ontario, Canada, since 1995. I am a proud member of Local #700. I followed in the footsteps of my dear Grandfather, who is a personal hero of mine. My 27 year-old son Matt is an ironworker apprentice. I’m currently working on the international Gordie Howe Bridge between Windsor, Ontario, and Detroit, Michigan.
I seemingly came from a “normal” family life – or so I thought. When I look back through the eyes of a person in recovery, I see how the deceit, secrecy, and patterns of self-destructive behavior I experienced in my life were rooted in similar behaviors in my birth family. Rather than addressing those hard issues, some families sweep problems under the carpet thinking they’ll deal with them later when it is more convenient or when it will be less complicated.
The reality for most families is that the later time comes too late. By then, the damage is done causing broken relationships, homes, careers, and finances. Sometimes even life itself ends. At first it is spiritual death, but it can lead to a slow physical death from decaying health. Or death can result suddenly from an accident while impaired or from an overdose or suicide.
For 25 years, I lived on a slippery slope of addiction that affected my quality of life and jeopardized my family and all other key relationships. I risked not only my job but my personal health and safety as well through my ongoing use of harmful substances on-and off-the-job.
I have been sharing my journey with substance misuse, addiction treatment and recovery. I was asked if I would share additional thoughts on a variety of topics recently in this narrative article. My hope is that these words will give you the courage to look deep with yourself and challenge your beliefs about your relationship with substances in your life. If you’re ready for a change, help is available and recovery is possible.
When you think about the rising risk of substance misuse, what do you wish you knew about addiction before you started using.
I wish I knew that addiction could happen to me! I had no idea that addiction would become more powerful than my own will power. Addiction affects your physical, emotional, mental, and greatest of all, your spiritual well-being. Addiction comes with a long-term loss that can be lethal. However, addiction often first tears families apart. It can turn an honest person into a thief and a liar. It can override your values and morals. It can squeeze every last ounce of love for yourself out from every part of who you truly are.
What have you learned about grief and loss that you wish to share with others?
My experience regarding grief and loss caused by drug misuse is that you don't necessarily have to have a physical overdose to experience loss. Emotional and spiritual losses cause pain and grief, too. For me the realization and awareness that I had lost my connection to myself was a painful awakening. The lost connection to my wife, kids and extended family caused me a great deal of grief.
How does being a survivor of an addiction impact your overall wellbeing?
Being a survivor of drug misuse and abuse has been a blessing in disguise. It's like I have been given a second chance at life. I have a fresh perspective, an enthusiasm and a zest for life that is new for me. I feel grateful and fortunate today beyond my ability to put it into words. I've become a student of life once again. I feed my mind and body with healthy content today. I wake up each morning with the intention to be the best version of myself living with spiritual principles to help guide me.
I play hockey and baseball, I run for charities for fun and for clarity. I am enrolled as a student of Kundalini Yoga and meditation. I intend to use these teachings to help others. These days I use my darkest, most painful days from my past to help others also become free from their addiction, too.
How did your personal experience with opioids change your perspective about addiction treatment and recovery? Before the use of opioids, I had never felt such relentless physical withdrawal symptoms. My attempts to stop using opioids were always short lived. Somewhere along the way I succumbed to the idea of not using opiates - to attempting to use less of them. I again came up short. I tried using harm reduction methods like the medication Suboxone. Every time I would find myself needing to use more and more opioids to keep my body from withdrawing.
I was stuck in this cycle for many of my adult years. It wasn't until I began using crystal methamphetamine that I stopped using opioids – this is not a recommended plan of action!
I quickly became absolutely bankrupt at every level:
- Physically
- Emotionally
- Mentally
- Financially
- Spiritually
I was hollow, empty and I was gone. The only thing still barely alive was my body. It was time, I was now ready for help and his help came in the form of the DeNovo Treatment Centre (https://denovo.ca/ in Ontario, Canada). I was now ready to learn about addiction, treatment, and recovery. I’m grateful to my Union and its leadership for providing me the guidance and support I needed to take this first step.
How has telling your story of treatment and recovery helped promote your ongoing recovery and healing?
When I share my story, my experience, strength, and hope regarding addiction I become vulnerable. By being honest and open with others there is an immediate connection made. Connecting with others on an intimate and truthful level is at the core of my recovery. I know how it feels to avoid and hide my life while in active addiction. I know how frightening it is to share the truth for the first time in treatment. I also know the healing that happens by letting that truth out.
These days I've experienced the healing that happens when I share my story of recovery, my experience has shown me that it is true; the receiving truly is in the giving. I am passing along what was so freely given to me by others. I've noticed by helping others become free from their addictions I too continue to grow in my own recovery. This naturally brings me inner joy and freedom.
How do you describe the freedom you experience without addiction today?
Freedom from active addiction has allowed me to become a student of life again, the freedom to learn and grow. The freedom to explore life with enthusiasm and excitement. To start each day like it's a brand-new day. I no longer regret the past nor fear the future. The freedom to be honest, to honestly express who I am. The freedom of an open mind. The freedom to admit when I make a mistake.
The freedom to feel all feelings: the happy, the sad, the good and the bad; all without feeling the need to escape or avoid them. The freedom to enjoy all of life's opportunities. To play sports, to run, to work as an Ironworker, to be a husband, a father, a son, a productive member of my community. I have the freedom to explore my passion and purpose for life. The freedom to help others to find their freedom.
The key question is: How free do you want to be?
For help addressing addiction and starting a path to recovery, call your union- or employer-sponsored Employee Assistance Program or check with your medical health benefits provider. Your personal care physician can also offer your support. There are many nonprofit organizations available to assist with substance use disorder treatment and recovery, too.
The following three resources were helpful to me in my recovery journey:
- Dr. Gabor Mate’ -- addiction expert, speaker and author (https://drgabormate.com/)
- David R. Hawkins - a mentor of mine (author of many books available at https://veritaspub.com/)
- 12 step meetings -- https://12step.org/
You can also contact me if you’re looking for help. It’s true: one addict helping another goes without parallel. rob1dayatatime@gmail.com